September 30, 2024.
It is hard to believe it's well into another year already. Many things have happened, and yet in the grand scheme of things many things have stayed the same. My daughter and Marshall are still living with me. things have gotten better, Rebecca is working at 7-11 so she is bringing in income... she helps a bit... but it's usually, "Here is $100 toward what I owe you." And then, later in the week, "Dad, can you loan me $30 so I can get my medicine and some cereal." But overall... it hasn't been the total drain on me with no real regard as to what happened to me. I'll take that as positive, so let's hope things continue to improve.
Marshall has been getting a stream of design jobs which he is really good at... and usually when he gets paid he has been helping me with food and things. He also helps around the house for which I constantly tell him he really improves the quality of my life.
A moment in time...
Today is a day that really affected me... enough for me to sit here and write something in my blog... I haven't really had much to say, but today is a day I will remember.
I was on the airplane flying out to Atlanta on route to Mississippi, the aircraft was not too crowded so there were several open seats. Usually when this happens, I end up sitting alone, but sometimes two of us share the row. Today was one of those days, and I expected a typical flight, me putting my headset on and just zoning out to my music.
The person who sat with me was someone I would describe as a very lovely woman... a genuine naturally beautiful woman. I smiled and went into my usual routine of listening to my music just passing the time away. I remember looking up at her for a moment, and wondering what kind of incredible life she must have. I went back to my music not expecting much more from the flight.
I was listening to AFI, Sing The Sorrow, particularly the song: But home is nowhere. The song starts out about a theater play and how the show being bought out, he is angry, "How did I ever end up here? Then several minutes into the song it changes completely... it talks about the changes of time through the years... a reflection... and then at a full 8:08 into the song, it changes again... a part that I like, sad but reflective... it is actually not part of this song, although the flow is seamless.
This time imperfect.
When that part of the song came on, I felt a deep pain in my heart. Not a physical pain; an emotional and spiritual pain. A shared pain. It shook me and I had to take off my headset.
I glanced over and noticed a tiny flicker, a tear sparkle in the light as it trickled down the cheek of the lady sitting next to me.
It overwhelmed me.
I don't know her, I've never seen her before, but I felt a connection... I have no idea why, haunting.
There was no thought, no hesitation in my actions, I watched as if I were a spectator, my arm lifting up, and landing gently on her shoulder... and I heard the words softly come out of my mouth, "Sweetheart, are you okay?"
I thought I would likely get slapped or brushed off... but abundant tears fell from her eyes and she said in a weak voice...
"I'm fine except that my life is falling apart."
This cut through me like a knife... I felt like I was connected in some way I cannot explain... I yearned to help her, to hold her tightly and tell her everything would be alright.
It was not alright. Her husband had been cheating on her, he is an alcoholic, is abusive, and at one point had hit her hard enough that he had broken her jaw. I can not imagine this... I just cannot... she had gotten out of the house and into an apartment... and I was so very thankful for that... knowing she was safe... someone I never met... it meant a lot to me.
We talked the entire flight... I told her some of the highlights and tribulations that I had been through... and I offered that even if you go through bad times... good things can still happen.
I learned that she plays guitar and piano... I had a feeling she was a creative soul... and we talked about our children, now grown, and our dogs. We talked about a lifetime adventures, and challenges.
I told her that she is a very special person, more than she realizes... that someone she is with should cherish her and and be thankful every day that she is in their life. I gave her my contact info, and I said,
"You have a choice; if you want someone to talk with, just let me know and I will be there. If you just want to toss this away, then that too is your choice. Nobody should ever tell you what to do or who to be."
I don't know why I felt such a strong connection to her... it makes no sense... but I needed her to know that at least someone in this world really cared about her. She may think I was just some strange man, perhaps I am. But I cannot change the way I am... or more correctly, I choose not to change.
When the flight was over, her heart seemed a bit lighter, and I hoped that perhaps we had made some positive light in her day. Honestly, I was sad to go, knowing that she would likely just end up being a a memory of a special moment in my life.
I said, "I don't even know your name."
She said, "Ruth".
My heart lifted a little, and I remember saying, "Please let me know that you got home safely Ruth."
I still feel the effect of all of this... at 10:30pm... long after it all transpired... I find myself still thinking of her, wanting to tell her she's got this... she is going to be okay.
And my heart is just wanting to know she is safe.
There are certain days in my life that come back in my memories... I have no doubt this will be one of those days... just hoping that I helped a soul in need.
Yet perhaps never really knowing.
Hummm... I think that is the hard part, not knowing... I find it haunting. I have heard nothing else, and it saddens me honestly... but I did not take her info so that I could not force myself upon her. If she writes, it is by her choice alone.
I hope your life is a great one Ruth... you have so much to give, and you deserve the only the best.
Hugs.
