December 13, 2020

 

I finally got my first cataract surgery on my right eye, and in a couple weeks I'll have the other one done as well. The eye is healing up nicely... not quite clear enough to read with yet, but between the two of them my brain is able to filter it enough to read on my low resolution monitor... so I think I can get some work done.

Actually, I can read my high resolution monitor... but it does take more concentration. I'm hoping that by the time I get my other eye done this one will be even better... otherwise I may or may not be able to read the screen. But this is the highlight of 2020... finally getting my eye fixed.

My friend Elle came over from New Jersey to care for me, which was a wonderful thing as I needed help driving, and doing basic stuff the day after. Eve presumed that since Elle was not male, I "must" be wanting to jump into bed with her... and so she broke up with me, refused any calls, and blocked me on Facebook. I'm realizing now that I need to purge people like Eve and Carol from my life... I have tried to be there for them, and tried to work out a relationship... but it simply doesn't work.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, then expecting a different result. I theorize therefore that I have been insane the last 20 or so years. Time for a change.

And for the record... No... Elle and I didn't do anything... she is a wonderful friend, she cares about me, but she and i are on different paths. 

I'm not sure where life will take me... I love to imagine that I could find someone... but after three times... five if you count the second tries... I think I'm destined to be alone. Sad but so.

August 1, 2020 - Another chapter

Just a short post tonight, Josh didn't really care for what i was saying would happen when i came home... not staying in my room, bringing Maggie Mae back to the house, etc. So he jumpped on an airplane to Seattle.

I got home last night, July 31... and today i am starting a new chapter... me living alone. I have an 1892 SqFt, or 175.7 Sq Meter house with a 0.177 Acre or 716.3 Sq Meter yard... with just me living here alone.

So I'm doing everything... maintenance, gardening, cleaning, cooking, working, you name it. Just me.

Not what I signed up for at 60. I thought I would be winding down... getting ready for retirement. Nope... starting over again. Not what I expected.

I guess I'll see what happens next. I'm really going to miss during a thunder storm saying to my partner... "would you listen to that!"... or coming home and walking in the door saying, "honey, I'm home!"

At least when Maggie mae is here it won't be quite so quiet... I'll have some companionship. All this and COVID19 too... not a great year by any stretch of the imagination. But hey... I'll set up my photography gear in my old room... maybe bring my robotics stuff into the dining room... invest myself into doing some robotics and electronics... making videos... keeping my mind too busy to think about it all.

I hope so anyway.

My life... the roller coaster...

So life just keeps me guessing... over and over again.

Set the wayback machine for aa couple of months ago... I was in San Francisco working on a project and Eve and I called each other a few times. We had both missed each other and the way life was going she was under stress because two of the machines she uses to make a living were offline.

I wasn't very happy with how things had gone between is, but I thought that since I had moved Carol on, I would be honorable and care for her the rest of my life. It wasn't going to be exciting... but I thought it would be at least stable... and that Eve and I would at best remain friends.

Then... if you read my last blog... life sort of hit a blender... again.

As the project was reaching a pause... and I had a couple of weeks before needing to be at the next location, I decided to go to New Orleans to visit my friend George. We played with the Oculus... and of course... George had to sit down at the piano...

I also figured that I could visit my daughter and Eve while there. My daughter was supposed to come over... then at the last minute said she was sick. (I feel that she just didn't want to see me... so I'll try again on the next trip,)

But as for Eve and I... well... we are getting back together... but not in a traditional way. She will live in New Orleans, and I will live in Texas. Not sure how it will all work out... but we will give it a shot.

So we will see how this all goes. And trust me... I have no idea at all... it looks promising... but I'll just say that I am optimistic... and holding my breath... again.

Yes indeed... life is interesting at the very least.

Carol left for Washington

I'm in Louisiana visiting Eve and George... attempting to relax and have a vacation.

Or in theory anyway.

Josh starts screaming at Carol... she told him that if he didn't stop the abuse she would call 911. He took her cell phone away. Now for her, this is her life-line... her text to friends, her other son, etc. Ben (her other son) attempted to get in contact with her... after getting no answer to her text, or a reply from Josh that he had taken the phone phone away "for her protection"... Ben had to call the house phone to reach her.

Once he found this out, Ben called the the Kyle Police to handle the situation.

So yeah... imagine 2 or 3 police card at mu house... neighbors must have had a pretty good show... Josh and carol locked the door and refused to let them in... they talked through a window that was open... until the police came within 6 feet of the window to hear better... at which time Josh and Carol felt they were at COVID19 risk and slammed the window shut.

About that time I got the call from the police while at Home Depot getting stuff to fix Eve's sandblasting equipment.

Yeah... that's always a fun phone call to get... when the police call to see what to do at your house. 

Ok... so then Carol tells the police, "Nothing happened... it's all good." This right after both Ben and I had given the police the story as to what life has been like there for her... she basically called us liars... so we had enough. She lied to me and said she was going to fly to Seattle in the morning... I called Ben... he had not booked a ticket... Carol said she was "looking for a flight". We were like... if you didn't feel threatened... you would not be saying that you were looking for a flight. Right?

She was caught backing out of her story... no backbone to follow through... Ben and I were fustrated and tired of the situation. We had a conversation about it.

So that was the last straw... Ben bought a plane ticket, I called my cab driver to pick her up at 5am... and off she went to Seattle.

NEVER to return. I'm done. I'm going to attempt to maintain any sanity I still have.

Josh thinks he and I can live in harmony... I'll give him a shot... but honestly... when I get back I doubt he will last a week. In all likelihood I will end up going to the court to evict him and I'll be the "bad guy" as usual. I don't know where he will go... hopefully he will get some help... but i can no longer "live" like this. I'm not going to do it.

But then perhaps I'll heave peace.

Unless... you know... it's 2020 and a meteor hits the house or I get COVID19, or Yellowstone explodes.

I'm taking bets on Yellowstone for August... yeah?

Another case of the universe just exploding under me.

Another case of the universe just exploding under me.

2020 hits like any other year and I start off with some optimism that Josh (Carol's son) will find what he is looking for, move on, and that Carol and I can get back to a somewhat normal life, me working to support the house, her tinkering in the garden, a reasonable existence... perhaps some travel, friends coming over after the pandemic winds down... a return to a normal lifestyle.

NOPE

Carol tells me that she feels that she is getting older and needs special care... no doubt brought on my Josh constantly telling her that she is feeble and incompetent. Little things set him off in a major way. She is making soup and sits the spoon on the counter for example... he will go into a yelling spree telling her that she is a "stupid cunt incapable of doing even the most simple things"... because she didn't sit the spoon on a plate instead of the countertop. Then, make her throw the dinner away because she was an idiot and "contaminated" it.

I've tried to intervene... and I need to get him out of the house as soon as possible... the two are deteriorating at an alarming speed. I just got an email from her that she will be leaving me... that her other son Ben who lives in Seattle will be buying a house soon, and will put her in the existing condo with either live-in health care or on-call nursing assistants. Financially he is totally capable of supporting this. Because Josh has deemed her "unfit to live with someone as irresponsible as me".

So that means that once again I will be left alone to face life in an empty house. In a house that I have worked hard to make a home, with a garden that I helped her to make into something that she liked. A place that we painted and worked on to remake it ours... And for what?

I just finished up about a month in San Francisco, and have landed in Oregon for another project. I should be here about a week and return to home. But I don't want to. I just do not want to be there... not with them.. not with all the issues they bring into the equation. 

They are so germ-aphobic that even after being sequestered there a week, I am expected to text them if I need to use the bathroom so that they can scurry into their rooms and shut the door lest I infect them. And I am not allowed to enter the kitchen so that I don't contaminate it. Even the act of me opening my office door is a major infraction upon their welfare. And now... I no longer care what they think. So when I return... hell will be unleashed.

 

I haven't been able to be with my dog since about March 16, and we are rolling into July in a couple of days. Their reasoning is that there is a 1% chance I could be a carrier, and there is a 1% chance that Maggie Mae might transmit that to Carol, and subsequently there is a 1% chance she could catch COVID19, and if so, a 1.2% chance that she could die. And because there is a 0.000012% chance this action could kill her... the poor dog must be sequestered in the bedroom all day except to go to the bathroom. It's horrible.

 

 

I just got a call from Carol today that Maggie May must be given away... because she is depressed and showing signs of stress. I told them, "NO KIDDING!" Maggie is used to freely roaming the house, coming up to visit me, sleeping at my feet and getting loved on. We often run into my bedroom for a 15 minute nap and cuddle session... then she is used to going down to the sofa to lay in the afternoon sun, and later going into Carol's bedroom to nap. If she wants to go outside, she would tell me... and sometimes be 10 minutes, while other times spend hours out there.

 But no... for them this cannot happen. Assholes. I cannot reason with them... Josh has corrupted her way of thinking far beyond anything I can ever hope to repair. And now I don't want to. I just want them out.

The best I can do is have them give Maggie May to my friend Wolf to bring to his house... and after I flush my place of their presence, Have him bring her home to me. I am home for often a month or two... then go for a week and rerun for another month. This series of long extended trips is very unusual. So when I go for only a week... he can watch her for me. Mostly at his place, then bring her with him when he gets my mail so that she can run around in HER HOME as she is used to doing.

This is tearing me up inside.

I'm working very hard to concentrate on my work, to be a good employee, to get the job done. Perhaps it is the only reason I am still sane... I have something to focus on other than the deep pit my life has become.

All I can do at this point is keep volunteering for any and all travel to avoid going to "the house" which I cannot at this point call "a home" until I either must return, or they have moved out. I feel that I have enough to remain on the road until August. Instead of flying home after this project, I will likely visit my friends and family in New Orleans until my next project. It is an advantage I have of being able to work anywhere there is internet except for field work. At that point when I do return to the house... I am not going to be the same calm person who puts up with way more than I ever should. I'm not going to take it. I will fight for what is mine... even literally if needed. It may come down to calling the police and having them remove the infestation.

All I wanted in life was a partner to have my back... someone I could trust, a friend, a confidant, someone to work with as a team to take care of the things around the home, both of us working for a common goal of a good life. A partner.

Seriously... is that really too much to ask for?

About the only good news in this cycle is that I was able to learn enough programming and design to create my own world in VRCHAT. It gives me something to focus on that is not painful, and not work related. Being in a hotel for hours on end you need something to break up the loneliness or it will take it's toll on you.

 

 

Another Year... time to catch you up.

May 2020
It's another year... let me catch you up.


Mitch

 Just before the lock-downs started, I was in San Fransisco and found out one of my best friends, Mitch was also within an hour or so from where I was. Mitch had moved to Hawaii and I thought my chances of seeing him again were very slim... but there he was and i had a free weekend.

It was wonderful to see my buddy again... and I made sure I got there early. We had a great breakfast together and hung out until much later. It was wonderful to just be myself again.


We had a great time. He was there because he has a classic VW Buss that he is doing a restoration on.

The place he was at does this exclusively... so it was an amazing place to be helping my buddy work on his bus. He has two huge YouTube pages, and has a running series on the bus as he restores it. I'll be in the future videos as we were doing quite a bit that rainy day.

Me

I have changed a bit, having been under lockdown from March 16 until May 17 I lost 35 pounds, and since nobody was going to see my face... I grew a beard. When I shaved it off... so many people said to grow it back... that I started again. As I type this... it's already pretty close now.

I'm in San Fransisco working on a very large project... and as fate would have it, again I am near friends that I have missed for quite a long time, and I've made new friends who happen to be in the same area or at least close by. I'll keep safe distance, and use a mask... but I am very hopeful that we can get together and catch up, or in the case of my new friends... get to know each other even better.

VRCHAT

I have also made some incredible friends in VRCHAT lately... it is an amazing place with some incredible people if you are lucky enough to find them. I was very fortunate and have met incredible people... funny, smart, and a bit crazy like me.

I've started just doing whatever feels good in this alternate world. Many times I will put on an avatar of a male warrior with two swords... but I will just as easily dress up as a female character such as "Cherry Bomb" who is a roller derby girl... cute but rough and tumble too. I like this freedom and silliness... it is a great outlet for me. And i will get into character too... we have a great time.

This is me... or one alternate reality of me... I like that I can become so radically different in this crazy alternate universe. It is fun, magical, and fairly strange... but I love it!

This is my friend Auran who created the world that we are standing in and the avatar on the left. While we were there in cyberspace this evening, one of the newest creations of hers was reviled... but still in work and  not ready for the public... so I'm not going to show it until ready.  Auran does amazing work... and is a bit of a celebrity in our close knit group of friends.

 This is MondoCat. She is a very caring and loving person, and as genuine as you could ever hope to find. Sometimes we will run around and be giddy and silly, and other times we will sit and talk about the challenges life has given us and share our feelings. She has been a great emotional support for me... I only hope that I have been as helpful to her.

Everyone in this little circle of friends is very supportive... and as it says... AWESOME.

I have other worlds and friends that I also meet sometimes as well. Not quite as tightly connected, but we will say hello, chat and run around together having a great time. In tis world you can feed the ducks and geese. In others you can climb, swing, or just hang out.

It is usually a party every night... and so much fun that often during the day I can hardly wait to just be crazy with my friends. When my eyes get heavy we always hug and say good night... usually to the chant of, "Awwww... you just got here!"




So this is my little rag-tag group of misfit friends... and thay are all AMAZING!