Getting ready to return to Austin (Kyle) Texas

I'm finished my project here in Long Island NY, and I'm packing everything up getting ready for my flight home tomorrow. Since I thought I might need my second monitor for work, I have two suitcases. This turned out to be very convenient since I picked up a few things when visiting my sister these last couple of weekends. Eve's birthday is coming up on the 13th of October, and I took the opportunity to hit the Jersey Shore and pick up a few things that I'm sure she will like. (She loves the ocean.)

It looks like I'll end up here again in a week or so... that's fine... another chance to visit my sister and her family. You never know how long your loved ones will be around... so enjoy them while you can. It works the other way too... who knows how long I'll be around... so I'm sure they enjoy seeing me.

It's funny... I still don't feel like I'm going "home"... ever since moving out of "my house" in Overland, I feel like a transient. I just have no feeling of having any "roots" anywhere now. Don't get me wrong, the place we are renting is fine... it's clean, everything works, and it's centrally located... it just doesn't feel like "home" to me. I really don't feel much difference between there and this hotel room... except that more of my "stuff" is there as opposed to here.

I realize that in all likelihood I'll never own a house now. With the cost of houses and all... Texas has a 40 year mortgage... which means I'll pay on some place until I'm 90 presuming I live that long. Even a 30 year loan won't be paid until I'm 80... and if I do live that long... we will probably go for a reverse mortgage to live on in our old age. Funny how that works... I was certain that my home would be paid when I hit 50... I had it all worked out... then everything changed. It changed my whole perspective on life, relationships, everything.

I have learned not to take anything for granted... nothing is permanent. Even your best plans are all written in sand... and not far from the winds and ocean waves... all subject to change or to be erased completely. Things that I never used to think about now keep coming to mind... I never needed glasses... I could read the finest print on a microchip with no problem... now I can't see the microchip, and couldn't use this computer without my glasses. I used to run a mile in six minutes flat... now just getting up from a chair can be a chore sometimes... everything is stiff. When I get moving it gets better... and I am thankful for that... but if I drop something and need to get on my knees to pick it up... I need to brace myself for the pain I will feel both getting down, and getting back up. Now I look at things I did before... jumping over fences, running hard, and climbing trees... all with a new respect.

I wonder what really old age is going to be like... but not too much... instead I believe I'll enjoy what I can do now while I can still do it. I go to the gym and work hard. When my joints hurt I increase the speed until I can't stand it anymore... then when I go back to my normal speed it seems trivial and painless. I guess that's how you have to look at life... when it hurts and goes wrong you can give up... or fight until you have nothing left... then if you survive... it doesn't seem quite as bad. I'm learning to fight... to stick around at least one more day... just to see what happens next.

That's my thoughts for the day... peace, out.